27 Days to 40 -- Be a Friend and Tell Your Friend the Truth...in Love! (Cont.)

There's always a risk in delivering painful messages. I've lost friends (or people who I thought were friends) because of my decision to BE a friend and tell them the truth. That doesn't mean that I am always right, but I do realize the purpose of relationships and I'm willing to grow through everything, painful or not. Also, I'm hopeful that the people in my world are willing to grow with me and willing to confront themselves in the process.

So, when was the last time you were faced with the challenge to 'Tell the Truth' to your friend? What did you do? Did you follow through and risk your friendship or did you surrender to the fear of losing your friendship/hurting your friend and instead you made a different choice? Did you drop a hint in hopes that she/he would get it? How did it turn out? How did your decision make YOU feel?

For me, the last time that I told a friend 'The Truth' it blew up in my face and she literally 'came apart' all over me. In the most loving and kind way I know how, I tried to level with 'my friend' because I genuinely cared about her. I told the truth...in love...and the unexpected happened. She verbally attacked me, yelled incessantly at the top of her lungs, called me names, and ridiculed me, my gifts and the 'purpose' and 'call' that is on my life. Essentially, she said everything that she could to literally 'hurt me'...and it did. It cut like a knife. Honestly, all I could do was pray for her.

I was in shock and to be totally candid with you, it brought me to tears. I couldn't believe that everything unfolded the way that it did. It made me question myself in ways that I hadn't in a long time. Why do I keep finding myself in situations where I feel led to say things that elicit this type of response? Is there something in ME that needs to shift? I've been here before, and I don't want to nor do I like to hurt people. I don't want to bring these types of emotions out of anyone. But WHY, Lord, am I here...yet AGAIN!!!?

While I have learned to brace myself and expect the worse, I'm am always shocked at the lengths that my so-called 'friends' are willing to go to in order to 'hurt me' and 'level the playing field'.

Anyone who really knows me, knows that I am not the kind of person who 'goes on the attack'. I don't lash out in anger towards anyone. I really take thought about what I say and do to people because I NEVER want to out-right hurt anyone. That's just not who I am.

I understand that no-one enjoys being corrected…but I also realize that without correction, how can we improve ourselves? The last time that I was corrected, it was by someone that I consider a true friend.

Just last month, a dear friend invited me to her baby shower and I had every intention of attending. But on the same day of the shower, my husband, who has begun a new career as a Christian Comedian, was asked to 'open' for a fellow-comedian for her first 'live-taping'. The time was going to conflict with my girlfriend's baby shower. I called to let her know that I wouldn't make it, but she was still disappointed.

With good reason, she confronted me the next time I saw her.She told me that she was upset because I never have made it a priority to come to any of the events that she has invited me to, and she was right. She told me how it made her feel and that she had learned to expect me to NOT show up.

I was shocked that I had hurt her so badly. I didn't realize that my absence had left such an impression on her. But after I spent time really thinking about what she had said, I remembered times when I felt the same way that she did. I was so grateful that she was honest with me. But at the same time, I was ashamed of myself for treating her that way. Because she is someone that I do sincerely care about, her confronting me about it helped me to see the impact that I was making on her. I was essentially communicating to her that going out of my way to 'show up' for her was simply not important to me, which in my heart, was not at all the case.

So, after listening to her, acknowledging her feelings and evaluating my behavior, I apologized to her, reiterated my true feelings about her and the importance of my friendship with her and have made adjustments in how I 'treat' the people that matter to me. 

Her telling me the truth helped me to make an adjustment to become a better me and I am grateful for it.

Correction is never comfortable. But without it, we're stuck staying the same and never knowing the truth about how our behavior is affecting others in our world. So, I say, if you're going to have a friend, BE a friend and tell them the truth, in LOVE! And pray that they grow the courage to hear it and receive it in the Spirit in which it was intended: LOVE.

Until tomorrow. Q!